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Butch and femme are terms used in the lesbian and gay subculture to ascribe or acknowledge a masculine (butch) or feminine (femme) identity with its associated traits, behaviors, styles, self-perception and so on.
She can pass for being straight, but we know she’s not because she said so and because of who she is with (i.e. A butch is the lesbian who will never put on a dress or wear makeup, a bra or thong that comes from Victoria’s Secret. She’s the one who builds houses, drives a motorcycle and loved her military service because she could wear a uniform just like the guys. Femme lesbians are seen a lot more often in the media and get the leading celesbian roles in lesbian media. It sparked the stereotypical question that is still often asked, “So who’s the guy? ” It’s a stupid question because no one is trying to be the guy in a lesbian relationship, and no one is arguing about who wears pants versus who wears the dress or who’s going to have the baby.
We are in a time period where the femme lesbian gets all the attention because straight male culture enjoys fantasizing about a night with two lesbians. Femmes are no more interested in hooking up with a guy than butches, and straight male porn creates fantasies about lesbians that are not even close to true.
However, the exact origin of the word is still unknown.